Marriage - To Love and Cherish - Eph. 5 and 1 Peter 3 - May 16, 2009

Bible Study – Marriage – To Love and to Cherish – May 16, 2010

This is lesson three (3) in our series “I Still DO.”

Our scripture is Ephesians 5:21-33; 1 Peter 3:7.

This lesson deals with the sensitive subject of submission. I remember as a young person the women in church dreaded when the pastor preached on “Wives be submissive to your husbands.” Being raised in what I call the male chauvinist period, the preacher usually preached from the male point-of-view. Some pastors would include the importance of husbands loving and caring for their wives. The problem was how did the men define love?

As Christians, we are submissive to CHRIST. However, Christians are not forced to be submissive to CHRIST but it is out of love, a realization of what HE has done for them and respect, they willingly submit to CHRIST. This was the idea the Apostle Paul was trying to convey in his message to the Ephesians. But this was a period when women had the status of cattle.

In my opinion, the key is for the married male and female to have a loving relationship with CHRIST. When they are in the right relationship with CHRIST, they will be in right relationship with each other. This does not mean it will be a perfect relationship but it will be a relationship based on trust, openness, discussion, working together and respect for each other. It is a relationship built on the solid foundation of CHRIST.

As you may recall in an earlier lesson when GOD made Eve HE took her from Adam’s side and made her. As individuals both are incomplete. GOD took a body part from the side of Adam to make Eve. GOD intended for female mates to come along the side of their mates as their help mate in marriage to make them complete. GOD took part of Adam to make Eve because GOD intended for Adam to love Eve as he loved himself. GOD intended their relationship to be eternal in this ideal world which was broken when they disobeyed GOD and sinned. So in a sinful world GOD’S ideal is difficult to achieve without both marriage partners being equally yoked with CHRIST through a loving, intimate relationship.

Let’s read Ephesians 5:21-24:

21 submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.[7] Col 3:16–17
Wives and Husbands
22 Wives, submit[8] Other mss omit submit [9] Gn 3:16; 1 Co 11:3,7–9,11–12; Col 3:18; Ti 2:4–5; 1 Pt 3:1–6 to your own husbands as to the Lord, 23 for the husband is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives should [submit]* The bracketed text has been added for clarity. to their husbands in everything.

In verse 21, the Apostle Paul gave the heart of submitting to each other in a marriage relationship. It was submitting to one another “in the fear/reverence of CHRIST.” This clearly points to the need for marriage partner to be in a relationship with CHRIST. This is why a couple should only consider marriage if they are equally yoked as Christians.

One potential partner may tell his/her future mate that he/she is a Christian. The key is do they understand what it means to be a Christian? Some believe if they were born to Christian parents they are Christian. Or they attend church and that makes them Christian. Or they say the blessing before they eat or read the Bible or pray and that makes them Christian. CHRIST in you makes you a Christian and nothing else. A person cannot be good enough to earn Christian status. It is asking CHRIST to forgive you of your sins and asking HIM to come into your life. Then it is obediently living for HIM and building a relationship with HIM. CHRIST needs to be your very best friend, who knows all about you. HE already does so tell HIM. You need to release all your cares and concerns into HIS hands. Then talk about them in prayer.

Unfortunately people can fain the Christian life. They can know the Christian jargon. But by their fruit you will know them. When you consider a marriage relationship, pray and ask others to support you in prayer for GOD to give you discernment to know the truth regarding your potential marriage partner. Then listen and pay attention!!!

In the original Greek text Paul did not use the word “submit” in verse 22. Instead Paul wrote “The wives to their own husbands as to the LORD.” The word “submit” was used in verse 21 and carries the idea of continuous action. Paul was making it clear that women were not to submit to all men but only to their husbands. Again, the idea of submitting to each other is a continuous action and suggests a free choice and free will. Again, it is tied to the respect and reverence a person has for CHRIST.

Paul made it clear that in the ideal marriage the husband was the head of the wife as CHRIST is the head of the church. Some men may say “Yea!” Just know that CHRIST gave HIS life for the church. The example was that the husband was to so love his wife that he would give his life for her, as I believe most men or women would do.

Ideally the submission of wives to their husbands was based upon their husband’s right relationship to CHRIST. Husbands, this means that GOD is your example. That is a tall order and without the right relationship with CHRIST it is impossible. This makes me cringe.

Let’s read Ephesians 5:25-30:

25 Husbands, love your wives,[10] Col 3:19; 1 Pt 3:7 just as also Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 to make her holy, cleansing[11] Or having cleansed her in the washing of water by the word. 27 He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but holy and blameless. 28 In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hates his own flesh, but provides and cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, 30 since we are members of His body.[12] Other mss add and of His flesh and of His bones

Paul challenged Christians to love their wives and treat them with respect just as CHRIST loved the church. This is not the brick and mortar church but the living church made of living stones. The Greek word Paul used for love is “agape”, which is the love CHRIST has for us. It is a self-giving love that demands nothing in return. CHRIST did this to present the body of believers to Himself without spot or wrinkle. Washing her with the Word of GOD to produce a body of believers pure and Holy.

“Washing with the Word of GOD” is a beautiful statement. When we as individuals or married partners, wash our lives with the Word of GOD, it cleanses us of our selfish and self centered motivations. Washing your life in the Word of GOD removes the dirt and grime of unspiritual things and false spiritual notions that are in our lives. It removes a barrier and creates a heart obedient to GOD to serve HIM in both marriage and life.

If we men would love our wives in this way, I know some would say, “They would be spoiled.” But the point is that our marriage relationship is a mutual partnership with each looking out for the good of our marriage partner. CHRIST is already perfect and HIS work is to perfect those who become Christians into HIS image. I can hear some women saying, “Well my husband thinks he is already perfect.” Again, this is why each marriage partner must have the right relationship with CHRIST. When they are in right relationship with GOD, they will have the right attitude and relationship toward loving their marriage partner with self-giving love. This is a quid pro quo relationship produced by mutual love and respect for each other.

Paul comes back to what we have been studying in Genesis. Men love your wives as you love your own body. This was the original intent of GOD. This can only happen when you are equally yoked. Flesh relationships will not last. Covenant relationships built upon the foundation of CHRIST last through thick and thin. Think about GOD’S covenant relationship with HIS people.

Christians are born into GOD’S family through the miracle of rebirth. In marriage, the male and female become one with each other in the mystery of marriage. When they are equally yoked in CHRIST, they are one with CHRIST as they are one with each other.

Let’s read Ephesians 5:31-33; 1 Peter 3:7:

31 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.[13] Gn 2:24 32 This • mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.

Verse 31 is a quotation of Genesis 2:24, which is a mystery. A heavenly mystery can only be understood as revealed by GOD. It is a mystery how two people, male and female, will become one flesh when they come together sexually. This was GOD’S plan from the beginning when HE took a body part from Adam to make Eve. Sex between a male and female married couple is ordained by GOD for the purpose of expressing their ultimate love for each other and for the purpose of producing children - raising them in a Christian home, teaching them GOD'S Word, living obedient Christian lives befroe their children and presenting CHRIST to them. This is not to force the gospel down thier throats but to love them and guide them. GOD’S intent was for the married couple to remain together for life.

Today, it is sad to say, we have about as many Christian married couples divorcing as non-Christian married couples. Sin and hardness of the heart are still some of the major reasons for divorce. Does this mean that someone who has divorced is doomed forever? NO!!! There are many reasons why couple’s divorce. Many go to counseling to try to work things out but the couple has become unequally yoked. Some are unwilling to try to work things out. GOD forgives and restores. I know a number of happily divorced and remarried Christian couples who are obediently serving our LORD.

Husbands you are to agape (Love that is self-giving and which does not require anything in exchange.) your wife. Women you are to respect your husbands. Notice the order, first the husband is to set the example of loving his wife. The wife responds to his love by respecting him. This produces harmony in the relationship and is the foundation upon which a marriage can be built. Every marriage gives the opportunity for love. Marriage is a growth and maturing experience. Both partners must pull together.

The Apostle Peter in our next scripture wrote about marriage.

1 Peter 3:7:

7 Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives with understanding of their weaker nature[6] Lit understanding as the weaker vessel yet showing them honor as co-heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

In verse 7, the Apostle Peter used the term “in the same way.” What was he referring to? The statement simply means “next.” This follows a list of people who were to be submissive as CHRIST obediently submitted to GOD. CHRIST had no sin yet HE willingly suffered at the hands of those in earthly authority to obediently serve GOD.
We have to be careful. This is not submitting to someone directing us to disobey GOD’S commands. Peter was coming from the point-of-view that when a woman was married to a non-Christian man, what should they do. Peter was saying let CHRIST show through their life with the hopes of influencing their mate to accept CHRIST as his/her SAVIOR.

The Apostle Peter was telling his readers to understand that the woman was physically weaker than the male. Because the woman was weaker did not mean that the male could take advantage of her. The male was to honor the female because GOD did not show a difference between them. CHRIST died for both male and female and both come to salvation by way of the cross. GOD does not tolerate the male mistreating the female. If the male mistreats the female, it blocks the prayers of the male marriage partner. GOD holds man accountable. It is all about the attitude of the heart. I believe the same is true when the female mistreats the male in marriage. It is spiritual heart trouble.

GOD’S intent is for the male to be head of the household – spiritually and authoritatively. The male is to be the spiritual leader. The male is to explain GOD’S word to his wife and children. The male is to be the example. In most households the woman is the spiritual leader.

GOD considered marriage sacred from the beginning. GOD considers male and female as co-equals. Both are accountable to GOD for their actions. The male is not to dominate the female and neither is the female to dominate the male. Marriage is not to be entered into lightly.

Living together will not help either. My wife and I have friends who lived together for several years. He helped her around the house and she could do no wrong. Her comment was, “When they said “I do”, he changed.” They had to work on some problems. But I am happy to report they are still married after many years.

Men and women love your spouse. As you build your relationship with CHRIST build it with each other through the washing of your lives in the Word of GOD.